


Crossdressing for Dummies

by wei



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-10
Updated: 2011-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wei/pseuds/wei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Neji is forced to crossdress for the sake of a mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossdressing for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the three times meme at naruto_meme. Prompt: Three times Neji is forced to crossdress for the sake of a mission.

The first time Neji cross-dressed, it was on a standard mission: seduce the target, steal information. Neji was sure he’d seen it in the academy textbooks, even. The girl got the target a little drunk, a little distracted, while her teammates rifled through the target’s room for intelligence. Child’s play – his superior bloodline would make short work of searching for information. So of course, it would be a little more difficult than that.

Neji looked at Tenten in her standard mission outfit, and then at his watch, which read ten to nine, and tried to decide whether it was more likely that Tenten was running late and unprepared or his watch was running fast. “Why aren’t you changed yet?” he asked.

Tenten reached into her bag and handed him a folded pile of clothes. “Oh, I’m not dressing up. You are,” she said.

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s clearly your job,” Neji argued.

“The mission scroll didn’t specifically assign any of us to a role. Why shouldn’t it be you? Just because you assumed I’d do it doesn’t make that my problem,” replied Tenten.

Neji knew that if he didn’t diffuse the situation soon, Tenten would launch into a treatise on gender discrimination, and then they’d really be late, so he tried a different tactic: “Our target is straight.”

“That’s why I brought makeup and padding. Believe me – you’ll pass just fine.”

Neji decided to recruit an ally. “What do you think, Lee?”

“I’m sure you will do an excellent job. What you lack in experience you make up for with your youthful passion!” he replied, “And do not worry – we will guard your maidenly virtue and will be sure to finish our part with speed and precision.”

Tenten snickered.

Somehow, Neji found himself minutes later in the hotel bar in a ridiculous outfit. The target was, of course, at the opposite end of the room, which would normally not be a problem, except that Neji was also in a pair of wobbly heels. (He was sure Tenten gave him these on purpose).

Fortunately, he made it across the room safely. Unfortunately, he fell on the target’s lap when he relaxed in relief.

However, since Neji was a professional and capable ninja, he resolved to complete his mission. He tried to giggle (and the target seemed to be preoccupied with … other things and did not get suspicious of the forced-sounding noises.)

Neji’s resolution lasted about five seconds, when he felt a squeeze on his backside. He decided that his bank account could take the lost mission pay and Juken-ed the target to the chest.

Tenten and Lee came down to see Neji standing in a deserted bar with the target’s body unconscious on the floor. Tenten shook her head and started tsk-ing.

“… He groped me,” Neji tried to explain.

Tenten sighed. “Neji, you really shouldn’t be that easy on a first date.”

\--

When Tsunade read the mission report, she called Team Gai into her office. “I am disappointed. For a team of your caliber to be unable to complete your mission speaks very poorly for you,” she said.

“We did manage to get the information,” said Tenten.

“You and Lee did an excellent job salvaging the mission in the short time allotted, but the village still had to do quite a bit of damage control. I’m giving you another chance, and you’re going to keep on getting these kinds of missions until you can complete them properly. So try to do a better job,” Tsunade replied. She handed Neji a mission scroll.

He opened it – and this time it assigned roles.

The second, third, fourth and fifth times Neji cross-dressed have been blacked out of his memory but the curious can find full details in the archive room mission reports.

\--

The seventh time was part of an impromptu self-imposed mission of sorts.

“Um,” said Hinata, who had grasped his hand and looked down with a blush, “Tenten was telling me about your last mission. Do… do you mind giving me some pointers? I’ll probably have to go on one soon, and I’m feeling kind of unprepared.”

Thought the first in Neji’s head – Hinata seducing a target? He’d set Lee on the Hokage’s alcohol stash first. Thought the second – Hinata seducing a target? Hinata demure and blushing with her hands on his arms or on his lap? He might need to see more of this. For the sake of her mission and his own. (The “get-Neji-laid” mission that he’d just now decided he was on, of course.)


End file.
